Teacher - did you do anything nice during Summer?
Me - oh yeah, I went to L.A, New York, Miami and did a bunch of photoshoots
why would you bake a guinea pig into a muffin you monster?!?
*pokes ur cheek*
you sure are cute
when ur hunty starts spilling that tea and you just sit back and
Omg best thing I’ve ever seen
I love how everything is hinted subtlety and then the last one is just
remember to ask your parents permission before procuring dead bodies
"hey i’m really full do you want the rest of my-"
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.